Will had always been a gregarious and impulsive fellow—one of the reasons Maggie was attracted to him in the first place, but even she was taken aback that night when he suggested to his old high school friend, whom he hadn’t seen in several years, that they should all take a vacation together. Maggie had met this couple only once before.

Perhaps it was Will’s mellow mood, being back in his hometown and reliving all the old high school high jinks. Whatever was at work here, Maggie had her doubts about the proposed venture. Even after she and Will had traveled across two states home, the men continued to schedule the trip.

Will’s friend chose the destination so they could use his time share, a generous offer to be sure. But even though Maggie and Will contributed toward meals and entertainment costs, they felt they were not in an equal position so far as suggesting restaurants and shows.

The men spent companionable days on area golf courses. But it was clear that the women had no common interests. While Maggie would have preferred renting and riding bicycles and visiting the wildlife refuge, her companion chose to drive to nearby towns to frequent yarn and craft shops. And it was, after all, the other woman’s car they were using.

Maggie and Will returned home regretting that they had spent their vacation money on a trip almost wholly mapped out by others. However, it was a learning experience.

If a vacation with friends sounds appealing, be sure the people you choose are those with whom you won’t mind spending money and lots of time.

Make sure everyone is on board with the destination and gets to weigh in on what they would like to do. Stay away from the high-dollar locations and hotels. Should you feel you might want to include additional people, select a rental with more bedrooms. The extra folks can help defray housing expenses.

You don’t want to be saddled with spendthrifts or someone overly cheap. Know who is paying for what right up front, especially when splitting meal costs. Non-drinkers and those who don’t want appetizers or desserts should not be required to share that expense.

Plan together. Not everyone will want to participate in the same things, so leave spaces in your agenda for personal choices. If you know you’ll want some time for yourself, make those arrangements, purchase the tickets, and inform your friends before taking the trip that this is something you’ve been wanting to do. They’re less apt to be offended when that day comes, and they too might be glad to have some time to themselves.

If you and your friends have different ideas, negotiate. Be clear on how each of you envisions this vacation and be fair, knowing you both may have to give up something. If negotiations get stymied, you may want to back out of this trip.

Remember that too much togetherness can put a strain on all parties. Step outside if necessary and ask yourself if this issue is worth breaking up a friendship. A cool head can ward off confrontations.

The hope is that you come home eager to enjoy another friendcation.

Constance Watkins

Does a trip down the aisle at age 50 differ from one in your 20s? In so many ways. Couples at 25 probably aren’t considering how this union will impact their years of acquired assets, their health insurance, or whether they should file jointly or separately.

Marriage at 50 and older is not unusual. The U. S. Census Bureau reports that more than one-third of the population between the ages of 50 and 64 is single, whether due to divorce, death of a spouse, or having never wed. Many of these people will desire companionship in their remaining years.

But, marrying later in life brings concerns over taxes and estates, retirement goals, effect on adult children, medical and health-care issues, possible long-term care needs, and years of financial or medical baggage on both sides–all needing to be addressed.

Should one partner have bad credit and/or credit-related liabilities, the new spouse could be responsible for some of that debt. Both partners should provide full disclosure about their assets and liabilities. Ideally, they will consult with an attorney or financial advisor.

Will they live in his home or hers? And when one of them dies, will the remaining partner continue to live there rent-free, or pay rent, even be forced out?

If a previously divorced partner is receiving Social Security benefits based on a former spouse’s work record, those benefits will end with the new marriage.

However, widows and widowers may continue to receive the deceased spouse’s benefits provided they do not remarry until past age 60. They will want to check on how their social security and pensions will be affected by this marriage and to be sure that filing taxes jointly will not place them in a higher tax bracket.

If the new spouse is made beneficiary to the other’s retirement funds, then when new spouse dies, those funds could go to their heirs, not to the original owner’s heirs.

Children from previous relationships can be provided for through a trust. Without a trust in place, the new spouse could inherit everything.

Powers of attorney for health care and finances are essential. It’s also important for the couple to inform adult children of their plans and to assure them that they will be able to step in if the new partner is unable to fulfill the POA role.

And finally, they will need to discuss how to handle long-term care, should that become necessary. Medicare doesn’t cover the costs of daily personal care, and Medicaid only kicks in when the beneficiary has minimal assets remaining. In the latter case, it may be smarter for partners to keep their finances separate. Or, they may investigate buying long-term care insurance together and possibly getting a better rate. It truly would be unfortunate if their assets were depleted by a partner’s long-term care.

As distasteful as a prenuptial agreement may seem, it spells out for everyone the couple’s wishes and provides peace of mind for all concerned.

Financially it may be easier not to wed, but there are circumstances in which marriage provides protections. Married partners may be eligible for a spouse’s pension plan while unmarried partners are not.

Marriage is the better choice when it comes to estate and inheritance taxes. A spouse can inherit unlimited assets with no estate tax, and in most states, inheritance is automatic, even if the deceased partner had no will.

Sandra Block, Senior Editor, Kiplinger’s Personal finance, stated that between 2000 and 2010, adults 50 and older living together without marriage grew from 1.2 million to 2.75 million.

If single partners purchase a home together, a cohabitation agreement is advisable, spelling out the terms of how much each partner will contribute to ownership costs and of what happens to the home if one partner dies, or they break up.

Partners who choose to stay committed but single are advised to set up a trust to protect each other when one them dies, and to have powers of attorney for health care and financial decisions. A power of attorney for health care allows unmarried partners visitation rights at the hospital and the right to consult with the doctor. A financial power of attorney becomes especially important if unmarried partners have kept their finances separate and bills come due for medical and other expenses.

So, are there reasons to marry after 50? Of course. There is always love, and it’s also true that two people in one household can live cheaper than two people in two households.

After weighing all the options, will it be I do—or I don’t?

Constance Watkins

We’re told that Eden was the first, and while the situation didn’t end particularly well for those appointed “to dress it and to keep it,” that hasn’t discouraged others through the ages from cultivating and taking pride in their own gardens.

Dropping a tiny seed into the dirt and receiving the miracle of food for the table or a bounty of beautiful flowers creates a sense of satisfaction, peace, and awe.

Even as fulfilling as that is, there are more benefits to be enjoyed. Studies show that gardening reduces stress and aids relaxation; increases mobility and flexibility by involving different muscle groups in stretching and twisting; improves strength and endurance; is said to help prevent osteoporosis; strengthens the immune system through exposure to sunlight (vitamin D); lowers the risk of dementia by 36 percent; and expands interest in nature.

A study from the Netherlands cites gardening as a better stress-reliever than other hobbies. Following a stressful activity, participants were told to spend 30 minutes either reading indoors or gardening outdoors. Those who chose to garden evidenced lower levels of stress hormones and reported better moods than those who read.

Stanford University published a study stating that exposure to nature for just 90 minutes can improve one’s mental wellbeing and reduce depression.

The effort, dedication, and nurturing aspects necessary for maintaining a garden keep the mind active without the stress of problem-solving.

And, gardening is recommended by the Centers for Disease Control as a low impact strengthening and aerobic exercise for those over the age of 65. Pulling weeds, bending, twisting, increases flexibility and stamina.

But what if someone feels their advanced age means their gardening joys are behind them? Some of those issues can be remedied.

Raised garden beds, vertical planters, walls and trellises do away with the need for squatting or deep bending. A small stool, cushion or knee pads can relieve pressure on the joints. Look for tools that are light weight and easy to grasp. Or modify the grips on existing tools with tape, foam, or plastic tubing. A drip feeder watering system or planting near a tap can make watering easier. (And if these options aren’t possible, bribe the neighbor’s kid to do it.)

Before heading out to the garden, do a little light stretching. Garden either early in the morning or late in the day to prevent strong sun exposure. Use sunblock, wear a hat and sunglasses, and keep skin covered. Take frequent breaks and drink lots of water. Wear lightweight clothing, protective gloves and shoes.

And should you encounter a chatty serpent, don’t listen to him. He’s a trouble-maker.

Constance Watkins

“Ever since I was a kid and my brother Mark had a beer can collection, I wanted to create a collection of my own,” said Lara. “I didn’t want anything that would take up a lot of room, but I wanted something interesting. I decided on thimbles, and eventually branched out into antique sewing items like beautiful old pin cushions, unique tiny scissors in cases, WW II sewing kits for soldiers, bobbin holders, and so on.”

Lara went to work educating herself about thimbles and, though they may be small, her vast collection now graces her walls with multiple thimble shadow boxes. Other sewing antiques occupy a large curio cabinet, and she has plans to build more storage units.

Collecting, not to be confused with hoarding, (which is a whole other strange emotional attachment to objects), was popular with aristocrats of the 1700s and 1800s, who searched the world for artifacts which they kept in “cabinets of curiosities” for viewing. These were the folks responsible for establishing the first museums in Europe.

Almost everyone has collected something, perhaps beginning in childhood with baseball cards, dolls, arrowheads, coins, stamps.

People build collections for many reasons: to preserve the past by acquiring antiques; a desire for unusual or exotic things; for investment purposes as with classic cars or gold; to widen their social lives with like-minded people; or for the sheer pleasure of the hunt.

Research finds that those who have a hobby are generally happier and have less risk of depression and dementia. Hobbies can relieve stress, lower blood pressure, and boost work performance by improving creativity, confidence, and decision-making ability.

Collecting improves observational skills. As one becomes better acquainted with the details of what they collect, they in turn become more astute at finding what they seek.

Collecting requires sorting and cataloging, thus improving organizational skills and increasing productive thinking in other areas of life. Growing in knowledge about one’s collection, both the desire to learn and self-esteem increase, as may one’s social confidence.

Gathering similar objects opens thought to seeing patterns and discovering what doesn’t fit and why: it may be a fake, an exception, or something that just doesn’t belong. This can lead to critical thinking in other departments of life.

Collecting can increase creativity. Through those objects that are visually pleasing or thought provoking, one may discover innovative ways of combining present knowledge and skills with a new and useful idea, much as writers and artists receive inspiration from their own treasured collections.

Some types of collecting motivate commitment to a good cause, e.g., collecting Federal Duck Stamps which support protecting wetlands for wildlife. One writer began collecting rhino figurines after seeing her first real rhino. She now collects them to support their protection.

Other collectors seek social connections through a common interest and forge new bonds of friendship. In some cases, collecting has even led to a career path.

As for our friend Lara, she’s content to scour antique shops wherever she goes. Smiling cheerfully, she says,” It’s like a treasure hunt!”

Constance Watkins

HEARTS AND HAMMERS

While spring may turn a young man’s fancy to love, it turns the rest of us to . . . Lowe’s, Home Depot, Menard’s.

Actually, remodeling has a lot in common with love. It requires a major mindset shift, particularly when tackling it with your significant other. Both processes call on us to be unselfish, patient, and respectful, demanding teamwork, cooperation, and effective communication–primarily when it comes to listening.

Family therapists rate remodeling as a 6 out of 10 points in producing relationship stress. According to one attorney, remodeling projects result in more divorces than extramarital affairs. (We’re not advocating for either.) And the biggest battle zone? Paint color. (See Family Handyman website, https://www.familyhandyman.com.)

Planning what you hope to achieve starts with creating sketches, making lists, and lots of compromise. Write out what you require in your completed project, then add extras you’d like to include if the budget allows. Gather your tools, apply for any necessary permits, and know that there will be surprises as you progress.

When working out your budget together, experts suggest adding about 20% to cover issues like breakage, unexpected costs, the slightly more expensive molding you like, etc.

(https://www.progressive.com/lifelanes/household/how-to-diy-with-your-spouse/)

Set up a realistic timeline, allowing for a little more time to finish than you expect. Planning for delays can reduce the stress level and keep your relationships with suppliers, contractors, and your partner a little sweeter. So too, your disposition.

With your partner, figure out which of you does what best. Is he/she better at painting trim, while you like to splash big color on the walls? Are you more patient about running back to the store when necessary? Divvying up the work load at the start, and then being faithful about following through on your end will contribute to a smoother operation.

Certain portions of the job may require both of you to work together, while other sections are better handled individually. Perhaps the rule here should be: You’re not the boss . . . but neither am I. You may want to test your compatibility on a simpler project first, like painting a small room.

Choose your battles, and if a thing is less important to you than to your partner, you may just want to yield on that item. Know what sets your partner off and avoid those scenes whenever possible.

A sense of humor is essential to the project and, more importantly, to your relationship. Save your “whoopsie!” stories for humorous anecdotes with friends afterwards. You don’t want to obsess over mistakes in the middle of the job. This often leads to naughty words, hand tools flying through the air, and someone storming out, leaving you to finish their work.

Here’s hoping your finished project is a source of pride and joy—and a happy reminder of a time you shared teamwork, patience, humor and mutual respect; in other words, love.

Constance Watkins