It’s named from the Latin, februum, in honor of the purification ritual Februa, held on February 15th of the Roman calendar. The Saxons called it Sol-monath, or cake month, when they offered cakes to the gods. And the Welsh call it y mis bach, little month.

Whatever you call it, short February holds enough special days for everyone to celebrate something. Opening with No Politics Day, then on to Ground Hog Day, not a single date lacks a specific designation for something to be celebrated or acknowledged.

Looming large, Super Bowl Sunday will monopolize February 4th, with several minor honorees following—Weatherman’s Day, Chopstick Day, White T-Shirt Day, etc.—until we get to Mardi Gras, on the 13th.

The 12th and 22nd, formerly Lincoln’s and Washington’s birthdays respectively, have been governmentally appropriated and crammed into a single celebration, now dubbed President’s Day, on the 19th this year.

Of course, the biggie anticipated by loving couples in the U. S., the U. K., Canada, Australia. Sweden, Switzerland, Finland, Boznia-Herzegovina, and Japan, is St. Valentine’s Day. According to various sources, our modern Valentine’s Day originated in the U.K.

The occasion most likely sprang from the Roman holiday Lupercalia, a pagan fertility celebration which was continued by some Christian converts after Emperor Constantine the Great legalized Christianity in Rome. (See www.biblestudy.org)

During 5th Century Rome it was named Valentine’s Day in honor of a Christian martyr imprisoned for secretly marrying soldiers (whom Emperor Claudius II believed should remain single), and for ministering to Christians who had been persecuted by Rome.

St. Valentine’s martyrdom however, has been overshadowed by the marrying of romance with big business. Valentine cards exchanged annually in this country number about 180 million, with women purchasing most of them; and 53% of women saying they would end the relationship if they didn’t receive something from their significant other. (See www.statisticbrain.com)

Roses produced for the occasion number about 198 million. Red roses, the favorite of Venus, Roman goddess of love, remain the most popular. And chocolate? About 58 billion pounds are sold the week preceding Valentine’s Day. Sparkling wine sales bring in $8.6 million; that’s 174,000 gallons. Whew!

The average consumer spends between $116 and $150 on gifts and merchandise. (Guess we can assume that’s the average between Tiffany jewelry and a second grader’s dime store bracelet for a little freckle-faced someone.)

However, if you’re not big on the Super Bowl, Mardi Gras, or hearts and flowers, don’t despair. On February 16th, you can Do a Grouch a Favor; or wait until the 17th for Random Acts of Kindness Day. Foodies may enjoy Pizza Day (the 9th), Cherry Pie Day (20th), Tortilla Chip Day (24th), and Pistachio Day (26th).

If you still can’t find anything to celebrate, bring your pillow to work and take advantage of Public Sleeping Day–February 28th. Happy February!

Article by Constance Watkins

First, know this: You’re not alone. Roughly six million children in this country, or 1 in 12, are living in grandparents’ or other relatives’ homes. According to the 2010 U.S. Census, in more than 2.7 million households, grandparents are raising grandchildren. That doesn’t include other relatives acting as parents to someone else’s children.

More than 60% of these grandparents are still employed, with 16.3% living below poverty level; and the trend is growing, fed by substance abuse, financial problems, incarceration, HIV/AIDS and other diseases, and death

Retired grandparents may not be mentally, emotionally, or financially prepared to take on this task or to meet all the needs of children—beds, car seats, diapers, clothing, possible health and medical issues. To be effective caregivers, they must also be able to take care of themselves physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Raising grandchildren may mean forgoing leisure time, anticipated travel, and trading your independence for “second-time-around” parenting, with all its responsibilities.

Deborah Whitley, Director of the National Center on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, University of Georgia, says that finding affordable housing is one of the grandparents’ biggest challenges. As awareness of the situation intensifies, some cities are stepping up to help these caregivers.

Newark, NJ: The city council approved a $525,000 loan for construction of a housing development for seniors raising grandchildren.

Boston, MA, combined public funds and private donations to build a four- million-dollar housing complex in 1994 for the same purpose.

Chicago, IL: A nonprofit organization (Renaissance Collaboratives) is constructing an apartment building for “grandfamilies”.

Similar facilities exist in Los Angeles and New York.

But there is also a bright side to raising grandchildren. It can lead to a closer relationship than occasional babysitting or visiting allows. Grandparents can connect more fully with the children’s world, become an important part of their lives, provide them with security, and may themselves feel younger.

And while grandparents might not be as physically capable as they once were, having already raised children, they have the confidence and wisdom of experience.

At age 50, Maggie found herself with the primary care of an infant grandchild—not something she had planned on. At that time, she knew no one else in this situation. Her friends were either employed or lunching and shopping together. Wherever she went, Maggie was the only grandparent with a small child in tow. It often seemed a very isolated day-to-day existence, but she loved the child and knew this was how it had to be until the parents were able to be fulltime caregivers.

Today, this child is a college graduate, living a successful, independent life; and Maggie happily reports that the two of them retain a close and loving bond. She says she wouldn’t trade having that experience for anything.

The internet is full of supportive websites for grandparents raising grandchildren: WWW.AARP.ORG/RELATIONSHIPS/FRIENDS-FAMILY/INFO; also, HTTP://HELPGUIDE.ORG; and, WWW.GRANDPRENTS.COM; plus, WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/GROUPS/RRCSUPPORT, (Relatives Raising Children). See also, I Love You from the Edges, by Karen Best Wright.

The children need us, but it’s not necessary to handle this alone. And know this too: the rewards can be huge.

Constance Watkins

Until her mother passed recently, Charlotte hadn’t fully realized all that would be required of herself as sole survivor of her birth family. After all, her mother had pre-paid her funeral, the service was planned, casket, music, and photos selected. Charlotte felt she was ahead of the game. After her mother’s passing however, she found herself scrambling to gather information on whom and what agencies to contact, where to locate her mother’s documents, accounts, financial entities, banking information, creditors, bills to be paid, etc.

With no one to help her, she was immensely grateful for online websites that guided her through what was needed. She found Social Security contact info at: HTTP://INFO.LEGALZOOM.COM/NOTIFY-SOCIAL-SECURITY-DEATH-BENEFICIARY-23164.HTML. She also discovered a comprehensive contact checklist at: HTTPS://WWW.OPRM.VA.GOV/DOCS/DEATHNOTIFICATIONCHECKLIST.PDF.

While every case is different, common agencies requiring notification include Social Security, Medicare, financial institutions, pension providers, insurance providers, creditors and credit card companies, the deceased’s attorney and financial planners, and perhaps an employee benefits department.

To initiate this work requires the deceased’s Social Security number and multiple copies of the death certificate, which cost $15.00 each. Normally the funeral home will order the number of death certificates requested. Be aware that it can take several weeks to receive them.

Financial advisors also recommend keeping a joint checking account open for at least one year after the person’s death in case unexpected checks come to the deceased.

By all means, if there are family members or friends who can help, use them.

Keep track of and pay all active bills and premiums and cancel unnecessary services, or change the name on the accounts. It’s helpful to have an accountant, an attorney, a trusted financial advisor or financially savvy friend standing in the wings.

If the deceased is your spouse, conventional wisdom dictates not making any major life or financial decisions for the next six months to a year. This might include selling your home, giving money to your children, moving in with them, or purchasing stocks, bonds, annuities, etc. This is not a time to allow others to influence you. (See: HTTPS://WWW.KIPLINGER.COM/ARTICLE/RETIREMENT/T037-C000-S001-A-TO-DO-LIST-FOR-THE-SURVIVING-SPOUSE.HTML).

Upon the completion of her mother’s death-related business, Charlotte determined she would spare her spouse and children some of the burden of her own passing by gathering into a bank safe deposit box all the information they would need (and where to find the key!).

She listed all agencies and organizations to be contacted, along with their phone numbers and addresses, made a list of all computer passwords and files, and her banking and other financial information. She also has a legal will, including health directives.

While this may seem morbid and depressing, Charlotte says it was a labor of love. She knew how valuable it would be to those left behind. And, when her son-in-law passed a few months later, she was better equipped to help her daughter.

Constance Watkins

She gave you your first kiss. She knew you were wonderful, a miracle, a pure and precious thing to be loved and cherished. And if you were her first, you can’t blame her if she didn’t know what was coming.

Nevertheless, she stood by you when the school principal called. All those times you aggravated her, she still loved you. When life knocked you down, she said, “Be brave,” and cried inside.

She never forgot your birthday; she attended your athletic and musical events; she made you eat broccoli and do your homework, taught you good dental hygiene, and to be kind to others. In short, she was your first, best, and most loyal friend.

Mothers have always been important to family and world order. Ancient Greeks and Romans honored their mother goddesses with festivals. Throughout history and around the world there have been varying celebrations honoring mothers.

During pre-Civil War times, Ann Reeves Jarvis of West Virginia instituted Mother’s Day Work Clubs to educate local women in proper child care and public health issues. She was also a peace activist, caring for Civil war soldiers of both the North and the South.

Her daughter, Anna, a strong-willed woman who deeply loved her mother, desired an official Mother’s Day in which each family would honor its own mother for her sacrifices, a day of private family sentiment.

In 1908 she began writing letters to newspapers and politicians, asking for an official Mother’s Day. Six years later, in 1914, President Woodrow Wilson designated the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day.

Contrary to Jarvis’ vision however, Mother’s Day rapidly became commercialized, and is now one of the biggest consumer holidays with spending in the billions of dollars and boasting the highest phone use of any other day.

With the advent of its commercialization, Jarvis fought to have the day removed from the calendar, spoke out against all businesses making profits from the day, and urged the public to stop supporting flower, candy, and greeting card companies.

Jarvis, who remained single and childless, exhausted her wealth with law suits against every business, organization, and charity who profited from using the emblem and name of Mother’s Day, and finally went broke.

Desiring to be known as “the Mother of Mother’s Day,” Jarvis stood against antiwar activist Julia Ward Howe (“Battle Hymn of the Republic” author), who had started a Mother’s Peace Day.

Jarvis also objected when Frank Hering, a former Notre Dame football coach, called on the Fraternal Order of Eagles to honor mothers with an annual holiday. Having fought so long and hard to be recognized as the founder of Mother’s Day, she objected to the day having a “father”.

President Franklin Roosevelt designed a Mother’s Day postage stamp featuring the famed portrait of Whistler’s Mother, but Jarvis refused to approve both the design and use of the words “Mother’s Day” on it.

Despite Jarvis’ countless efforts to create a pure and private family Mother’s Day, crass commercialism prevails. But she did plant the fact of a mother’s value at the forefront of a nation’s appreciation. (And a mother doesn’t have to be perfect to have value.)

This year, Mother’s Day shines on May 13^th. Don’t forget the card, the flowers, and candy.

Constance Watkins

According to 2018 statistics from the National At-Home Dad Network, this country has approximately 1.4 to 1.75 million stay-at-home dads. The Network defines a stay-at-home dad as a “daily, primary caregiver of his children under the age of 18.” The number of fathers who choose stay-at-home parenting has risen in recent years from 5% to 21%. Most of these men work part-time or work opposite shifts from their spouse.

In an era when most widowers turned their children’s care over to others or hastily found someone else to marry, William Jackson Smart raised his six children alone. Smart was a Civil war veteran whose wife had died in childbirth.

A resident of Confederate Arkansas, Smart enlisted as a sergeant with the Union Army. Shortly after the war, he married Elizabeth Harris, with whom he had five children, one of whom died in infancy.

Four years after Elizabeth died, he married Ellen Cheek, a young widow with three children, and he later added his widowed sister and her daughter to his household.

Smart went on to father six children with Ellen. His first four offspring now grown, the home was still overflowing with the latest six youngsters, plus his three step children.

With the advent of the railroad, towns began to spring up all over the country. For unknown reasons, Smart moved his burgeoning household from Arkansas to Wilbur, Washington where, two years later, Ellen died in childbirth, leaving him with nine at-home children ranging from newborn to 19 years. He did not remarry.

Inspired by his devotion to family, and influenced by Anna Jarvis, the founder of Mother’s Day, Smart’s daughter, Sonora Smart Dodd, wanted recognition for her father’s familial sacrifices.

For the next year, her appeals for a national Father’s Day fell on deaf ears, and initially was scoffed at as just another opportunity for commercialism.

Nevertheless, on June 19, 1910, America’s first Father’s Day was observed at the YMCA in Smart’s home city of Spokane, Washington.

In 1917, then-President Woodrow Wilson attended the Father’s Day celebration in Spokane. Whether he met Smart or his family is uncertain. Smart died there in 1919 at his daughter’s home, his children at his side.

It was not until 1966, that President Lyndon Johnson proclaimed the third Sunday in June as a national Father’s Day, complying with Sonora’s request for a date in June, her father’s birth month. President Richard Nixon later declared it a federal holiday in 1972.

Father’s Day this year falls on June 17, and while national spending on dads amounts to billions of dollars, it still falls behind that of Mother’s Day.

We’re told that in Germany, fathers spend the day in beer gardens, drinking.

Here’s wishing all father’s (including surrogates who may be uncles, cousins, brothers, grandads, or family friends) a most Happy Father’s Day, however you choose to spend it.

Constance Watkins