Here it is again. A fresh start. New resolutions, or last January’s retreads. A year-long resolution can seem like an unwelcome debt–like a car payment or a mortgage.

About 4,000 years ago the ancient Babylonians made New Year’s promises to their gods to pay debts and return borrowed objects. If they kept their promises, they received godly favor in the coming year. If not, well, one can only imagine. Displeasing the gods probably carries stiffer penalties than displeasing oneself.

In a more recent era, Benjamin Franklin created a list of 13 virtues which he strove to incorporate into his daily life, and though he admitted to never achieving full mastery, he credited the simple pursuit of them with his happiness and successes.

Franklin posted these virtues on a chart against which he measured his success for each day. Thus, it became his life journey rather than a few short-lived resolutions he might discard within the next weeks.

He found that such moral goals achieve success in the striving for them, even when not fully actualized. Through their practice, one becomes more conscious of his/her behavior and thought tendencies each day and can make corrections accordingly. A person becomes what he/she wishes to see manifested in their own experience—if you would have more kindness, be kind.

Franklin sought to embody temperance (in food and drink), silence (speak only to benefit), order, resolution (perform what you ought), frugality, industry (be productive), sincerity, justice (wrong no one), moderation, cleanliness, tranquility (don’t sweat the small stuff),

chastity, and humility. One could also add to this list qualities like patience, charity, honesty, gratitude.

No one would deny that following Franklin’s course is a tall order. How does anyone remember to abide by all these virtues at any given time every day? Franklin would focus on one virtue until, over time, he felt he had a handle on it. Then he would move on to the next.

Another way might begin with focusing on a different virtue each day:

Just for today I will find something I can admire about my boss/spouse/that nasty clerk. Just for today I will curb my tongue. On this day I will not be selfish. Today I will fulfill my promises. Today I will not roll my eyes. Just for today I will forgive idiot drivers. Today I will hold the door for someone, let another driver in ahead of me, thank those who also do the same for me.

It also helps to remember that others are fighting their own demons.

As Franklin discovered, eventually these traits begin to take over how one lives and thinks. Just one virtue a day practiced can make the world kinder by that much.

Wishing you a New Year of joy and peace, and at least 13 virtues circling back on you every day to enrich your life.

Constance Watkins

December may well be the most giving month of the year. Think of it—Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, office parties, family get-togethers, gift-exchanges with friends and neighbors, charitable donations. It boggles the mind, all those gifts circulating around out there, a veritable tsunami of love!

We know that a gift should always make the receiver feel valued. However, for all the good intentions and generosity of heart, there are still awkward moments and errors in judgment.

Perhaps some guidelines are in order. Here we present a few rules that have arisen from actual cases.

To the Gift Givers:

1. Please remove the 25-cent garage sale sticker from the item. People understand if you don’t have a lot to spend. They just don’t need to know exactly how little you think of them.

2. Self-help books/items are rarely welcome: How to Lose 20 Pounds in 30 Days, Learn to Control Your Anger, Dressing with Class. Julie’s mother-in-law presented her with a drugstore bottle of brown hair dye for Christmas. Blonde Julie did not find this helpful.

3. Never say, “I had to think for a really long time about whether I wanted to spend that much money.” Even assuming Ned’s bumbling good intentions, Ellen didn’t feel the love.

4. When gifting something you found in your grandmother’s basement, please wash off the sticky goo with the dust-fur clinging to it. No one likes having to disinfect their gift.

5. Never say, “I hope you like this because I got it on sale and can’t return it.” Umm, sounds like a possible future re-gift, but thanks.

6. When someone specifically asks for X, don’t give them Y just because you like it better. It forces them to feign pleasure, and they still don’t have X.

7. If you are re-gifting, it only arouses suspicion if you continually ask, “Is it alright? Are you sure? You really do like it?”

8. It’s bad form to give an obviously used item (faded, worn, finish wearing off) unless it has special value and a story to go with it—a family heirloom, a valued item with an interesting history. The refurbished off-brand watch your high school boyfriend gave you 30 years ago doesn’t fall into that category.

9. Nothing says, “After all these years I know absolutely nothing about you,” like admitting you had a friend pick out the gift. “Hope you like it!” Next year I’ll just exchange gifts with your friend.

10. And lastly, it can be embarrassing to re-gift in front of others, one of whom originally gave the present to you.

For the Recipients:

There is only one rule here: Smile, be gracious, say “Thank you.” If pressed to say more about an unwelcome gift, comment favorably on the color, its potential usefulness, or its uniqueness.

If the gift is utterly horrible, about all you can say is, “Wow, Harvey, I think you’ve really outdone yourself this year,” which can mean anything from, “This is the greatest gift you’ve ever given me,” to “This even tops the garbage you’ve given me in the past.” Just don’t be rude.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy Gifting!

If you could improve your physical and psychological well-being, get a better night’s sleep, and improve your self-esteem with one simple attitude change, would you do it?

We may be talking magic bullet here. Sometimes we have more power to help ourselves than we realize. This exercise doesn’t involve pain–just a little focus and practice, and November seems an appropriate time to begin.

Gratitude. According to studies by Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D. and prominent gratitude researcher, gratitude reduces toxic emotions like resentment, envy, depression, frustration, and increases happiness and wellness.

“Through a recent movement called positive psychology, mental health professionals are taking a close look at how virtues such as gratitude can benefit our health. And they’re reaping some positive results,” (See www.webmd.com).

Health. Grateful people tend to have fewer aches and pains and report feeling healthier in general. Because they appreciate life, they also tend to take better care of their health, a possible road to longer life.

Civility. Gratitude promotes prosocial behavior, reduces aggression, and increases empathy. Grateful people are less prone to revenge and retaliation, are more sensitive and sympathetic, even when others treat them less than kindly.

Friendship. Research reveals that just saying Thank you makes others view you positively and opens the door to new friendships. People feel that they and their contributions are appreciated. Who doesn’t like feeling appreciated?

Mental strength. A study published in “Behavior Research and Therapy” found lower rates of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) among Vietnam war veterans who routinely exhibited higher levels of gratitude.

Self-esteem. Where resentment is a major contributor to low self-esteem and unhappiness, gratitude heightens self-esteem by reducing social comparisons to others who may be wealthier or hold better jobs. Athletes with a grateful outlook were shown to perform better, due in part to high self-esteem.

Sleep. Taking 15 minutes each evening to write in a gratitude journal may cause you to sleep better and longer. Pondering the good events of the day increases satisfaction and feelings of comfort.

Eloise, a woman of advanced years, found herself bed-ridden in a care facility and was understandably bitter and unhappy. A visiting friend suggested that she try thinking about something to be grateful for.

Her response, again understandable, was, “What have I got to be grateful for? I’ve lost my home, my health, and I don’t want to be in this place.”

The friend calmly said, “Well, why don’t you start being grateful for the doorknob. Every time that door opens someone is coming in to care for you, to bring meals or fresh laundry, to spend time with you, or clean your room.”

Eventually, tired of feeling angry, Eloise took her friend’s suggestion to heart. Over time she found her stress level and anger diminishing, her sense of well-being improving, and she discovered something to appreciate in each day.

Gratitude can be a powerful tool even in the worst of times. We’ve seen it in the recent hurricane victims. It calls us to focus on what we have, no matter how little, and to silence complaint about whatever seems lacking. Many who try it find it worth adopting permanently.

Happy Thanks–giving!

Constance Watkins

Evan drove off once a year in an SUV brimming with luggage, four large men, and four sets of golf clubs.  Maggie waved goodbye and stared into a week of same-old, same-old.  Oh, sure, she could eat what she wanted, do what she wanted, go where she wanted–after work. And she did enjoy the quiet, but it was scarcely on a par with Evan’s itinerary.

After several years, Maggie considered that it was time to organize some girl trips.  So, she called her daughter, and the following year and every year since, she, her daughter, and granddaughter have been enjoying vacations filled with beach walks, shelling, kayaking, bicycling, hiking, shopping and great food.

Those in the know say that such a week can clear your head, aid with decision-making and personal struggles, help rediscover yourself, and sweep away day-to-day drama–perhaps the same reasons men schedule golfing, hunting, or fishing trips together.

Maggie learned that girl trips bring a special flavor to life:  a deep and refreshing kind of relaxation; sharing feelings with a supportive audience; wearing minimal or no makeup; living and dressing casually; the pure joy of acting silly; eating where and how women like to eat; enjoying things your significant other doesn’t; and, shopping without hearing, “You’re going to spend how much . . . for that?”

And the laughter.  It almost never stops.  Stay up late, stream your favorite TV shows and chick flicks, talk till dawn, sleep in, lounge on the lanai, with no cooking—ever.

Each evening, Maggie and her girls take time to record the highs and lows of the day in their trip journals, (usually from a humorous perspective), then swap journals to read each other’s aloud to even more laughter.  Invariably, someone will include something the others forgot—a good reason to get more than one’s own perspective.

The joy doesn’t end when they return home.  Each journal story is keyed into the computer, complete with vacation photos dropped in among the text.  Now they all have a complete record of their shared love and adventures which they can revisit any time.  Maggie’s daughter has dubbed their stories, The Ice Cream Diaries, (because nearly every day includes ice cream).  Evan, too, enjoys reading the journal.

If a full week is out of the question for you, a two-or three-day trip can still provide much needed relaxation and renewal, without traveling far. A quiet nearby bed and breakfast can fill the bill but beware of planning a too-busy schedule.  The idea is to come home more emotionally sane than when you left.

In short, girl trips let women eat what they want, where they want; do what they want, when they want; go where they want, when they want; or read a book all day in their pajamas.  Just bring your favorite Thelma and Louise.  The laughter will show up on its own.

Constance Watkins

RV (recreational vehicle) and camper living are on the rise, not only among retirees and people who enjoy travel, but also with debt-ridden Millennials who desire home ownership.

“There is so much to experience that it becomes overwhelming . . . no one is ever bored in this lifestyle.”  And, “All you have to do to find a new friend is step outside your rig.”  Words straight from seasoned experts on the subject.

According to RV Lifestyle Experts, RV parks offer information on local events and tourist attractions, including museums, gyms with no membership fees, art galleries, local live theater, golf, swimming pools, nature hikes, canoeing, casinos, and more.  And if the weather doesn’t cooperate, just take your home on down the road.

SavingAdvice.com estimates the average monthly cost of camper living at $3,490, or $41,880 per year.*  This figure includes RV park or state park rent with utilities, RV payments (up to $1,000), fuel, food, propane, laundry and recreation, plus possible RV maintenance.

Compare that to monthly house payments in the United States between $1,060 and $12,700—not including utilities and other lifestyle expenditures.  The average cost of a home in this country is about $220,000, while a nice camper or RV can be purchased for one-fourth of that, and without an additional 20 years of mortgage interest.

One drawback however is that unless you’re making payments on the RV, it won’t help your credit and you won’t get escrow on your purchase.  It will also be necessary to budget for camp ground fees, fuel and maintenance.

The price of a motorhome can run from $43,000 to $200,000 or more.  Motorhomes are self-contained but harder to move once camped.  While they can be set up quickly, they’re inconvenient for a trip to the grocery.  Plan on bringing bikes or light-weight motorcycles for such occasions.  Towing a small car involves greater expense and requires maintaining two vehicles.

Should you buy a gas or a diesel engine?  Diesel engines get more miles per gallon, have more power, greater load capacity, last longer and have better resale value.  However, they are more expensive and have higher maintenance costs.

A gas engine RV costs less foot for foot and is less expensive to maintain. It’s also easier to locate a mechanic for a gas engine.

The Internet is full of websites to help you get started.  Here are just a few:  newrver.com or,  https://www.your-rv-lifestyle.com/ or, http://www.rvlifestyleexperts.com/getting-started/Activities-home.htm.  You’ll also find other RV-ers willing to share helpful tips and experiences.

When you’ve decided on your destination (or destinations), it’s helpful to spend three or four weeks in each location before settling down.

Is camper living a good fit for you?  Which direction beckons you—the beach, the mountains, north, west, the Heartland prairies?  Live wherever you choose or just enjoy the nomadic life.  And should you weary of it, well, it’s easier to sell a camper than a house.

*According to 2017 figures

 

Constance Watkins